Shut off the world’s demands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But to risk, we must,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The man, the woman, who risks nothing, does nothing,has nothing, is nothing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

behind every desire

I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only.

I would like to be that unnoticed & that necessary.

 

Damaged by habits that haunt

Trade a trick

petite collection

Holistic Guru

breeze, breeze, breeze

make the bed for no one

get knotta my way

they are ornaments afterall

it could be worth it, this could be perfect, if i wasn’t worthless

When they asked some old Roman philosopher or other how he wanted to die, he said he would open his veins in a warm bath. I thought it would be easy, lying in the tub and seeing the redness flower from my wrists, flush after flush through the clear water, till I sank to sleep under a surface gaudy as poppies.But when it came right down to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenceless that I couldn’t do it. It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn’t in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at.

 

– The Bell Jar (1963) by Sylvia Plath

Until the world passes by

it died on me. finally.

Loose your mind to come to your senses

sinking further and further… …

one is as good as a thousand

far from steaming

my first catch

wyred stylo manlo

obligated pose beside a renaisance-esque torso

the wandering hand

 

 

A lot of things can change in the course of a month. My grandma became extremely ill, was in the hospital for three weeks, and is now more or less completely dependent on others for remedial tasks. Many times I sit and worry about trivial things like having a career, being able to pay my bills, beautification, you know the normal things people spend their time worrying about. And honestly those stupid worries and selfish anxieties dwindle when you realize that health, love, and friendship are the only things that matter. So needless to say, I have been spending some time “soul searching” and trying to enjoy my time in the present. But I will say that there is a lot to learn in the midst of adversity. I have learned that there are some friends that I could have put more time and effort into, I learned that I have a solid family (contrary to what I believe at times), and that people really do get closer and realize each other’s value in such moments.

casting the net of empathy

swinging arms

geek investment

tea/cookie tasting

recovering

Altruism is a personal thing, we must make our own choices about where to put our money/energy/love. No one can tell us what is “right”.

Anger is often fear in disguise.

I have my own contradictions.

nothing but a circus act

cayenne’s first modelling stunt

underground transaction

evetor's new crib

Hoola ola!

toothpaste can be eaten, no?

flash graffiti

The artist’s survival kit

“…You need to realize something else: you can lead a perfectly good and satisfactory life even if you’re not a writer [artist]. When i figured out that I could be perfectly happy and not be a writer, I became a better writer. The unhappiest people in the world may be the ones who think their happiness depends on artistic success of some kind.” ~Wendell Berry

I feel like I am a complex melting pot of contradiction most days. Ying and Yang. I am triumphant. I am winded. I am invincible and powerful. I am lost. I am in love. I am fragile. I am awed. I am confused. I am all knowing. I am unsure. I want to suck up every bit of this experience piece by piece. I want to hide. I am so happy I am going to explode. My self-confidence shatters temporarily.

Urine Diaries 3